You overhear your them talking about "high school", "his first time", and the "prom" and......

 You realize he's talking about"his first computer", the Apple IIe, and the "EPROM"
 

One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, "Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?" Her husband snarled, "What do I look like? The tidy-bowl man?" and sat down on the sofa.

 The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn't work. When her husband got home, she said, very nicely, "Honey, the disposal won't work. Would you try to fix it for me?" Once again, he growled, "What do I look like? Mr. Plumber?"

The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, "Honey, the washer isn't running. Would you check on it?" And again was met with a snarl, "What do I look like? The Maytag repairman?

Finally, she had had enough. The next morning, the woman called three repairmen to fix the toilet, the garbage disposal, and the washer. When her husband got home, she said, "Honey, I had the repairmen out today." He frowned, "Well, how much is that going to cost?"

"Well, honey, they all said I could pay them by baking them a cake or having sex with them." "Well, what kind of cakes did you bake them?" he asked. She smiled. "What do I look like? Betty Crocker?"
 

The Five Stages of Drinking
 ---------------------------------

 LEVEL 1:
 It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've  had a few beers. You  get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your  friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends.  Here at  level one you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as  long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool.".

 LEVEL 2:
 It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20  minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again,  but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now  you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for  anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours  sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool.".

 LEVEL 3:
 One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila.  You've just  spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf.  And now you're  thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!"  At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy  a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you  like his face.  You get drinking fantasies. (like,"Hey fellas, if we  bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it.
 Tommy, you could cook.")  But at level three, that devil is a little  bit bigger....and he's buying.  And you're thinking "Oh, come on, come  on now. As long as I get three hours sleep...and a complete change of  blood (snaps fingers), I'm cool.".

 LEVEL 4:
 Two in the morning. And the devil is bartending.  For last call, you  ordered a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf! This time  on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the  bar. Just because you don't like his face! And now you're thinking,  "Our busboy is the best looking man I've ever seen."  You and your  friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of  you knows an ...after hours bar.  And here, at level four, you  actually think to yourself, "Well....as long as I'm only going to get  a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well....STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!!  Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting  looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work  for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow  ...................cool.

 LEVEL 5:
 Five in the morning. after unsuccessfully trying to get your money back  at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named Ruby!!!"),  you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar   with guys who have been in prison as recently as...that morning. It's  the kind of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in.  I gotta be in Hell- at nine.  I've got that brunch with Hitler, I  can't miss that."  At this point, you're all drinking some kind of  thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding.  A waitress  with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday  I'm gonna marry that girl!!"  One of your friends stands up and  screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO FLORIDA!!!!!"- and passes out.  You crawl  outside for air , and then you hit the worst part of level five- the  sun.  You weren't expecting that were you? You never do.  You walk out   of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or  jogging.  And they look at you-and they know. And they say..."Who's  Ruby?" Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's  like a victory like you've beat the night, but if you're over 30, then   that sun is like God's flashlight.  We all say the same prayer then,  "I swear, I will never do this again (how long?) as long as I live!"  And some of us have that little addition, "and this time, I mean it!"